The Hopes and Fears of All the Years (or at least 2010)

This particular Sunday night is the night before beginning the first class sessions of 2010. Blogging is not something that I do well on a regular basis, but I have always though that it is a way to force growth. I believe that taking time to think and to write helps me to become a better and more self-aware educator. I should do it more often.

Toward the end of every break from teaching, I feel like everything positive and effective I have worked toward/achieved in my classroom is going to crumble. I literally have nightmares that a mutiny will arise, prisoners will be taken, and I will be powerless to stop it. I don't know when or if this fear will ever cease, but for 3 years it has been present every single time. I get a telltale knot in my stomach a few days before school starts, the Sunday evening after Thanksgiving or Christmas, after a relaxing and carefree Spring Break and, to be quite honest, sometimes even after 3 day weekends. I still feel so green and unsure of myself and the way I manage my classroom. No matter what success I've had prior to breaks or in previous years, coming back into that fluorescent arena is downright intimidating to me. I wonder if I'm the only teacher, new or seasoned, who feels this way...

The new year is inherently full of new beginnings and resolutions to change or be better at an element of life. I've been thinking the past week or so about what I want to resolve for the remaining 2009-2010 school year. What I have come up with so far is that I resolve to, 1) be more consistent in the practices I know are effective and 2)to take time to sense and act upon what is more important than being consistent in those practices...That makes sense in my head, but for anyone else who may read this, let me explain:

Addressing Part 1 of my resolution: I know that certain methods of instruction are researched and proved to be effective. I also know that putting in extra time and thought to make lessons engaging and relative is effective for learning. I resolve to teach using methods that people much more experienced than I have tried and proven to be effective, as well as to give 100% of my own enthusiasm in the delivery of my lessons.. .

I know that fair and consistent discipline is also necessary and effective for learning and socialization. Unfortunately, as a product of my people-pleasing and generally non-confrontational personality, I am continually working on being consistent in effectively disciplining my students. Although I have my rules and procedures paired with appropriate consequences, I sometimes fail to follow through with 100% consistency. This results in an unstable and ineffective learning environment; I resolve to (without power-struggle, defensiveness or anger) enact my consequences when necessary and then move forward with instruction.

Part 2 of my resolution is just as [and arguably more] important as being consistent in teaching and disciplining with best practices... There are those times when students pose a question or make a statement that I know/feel is packed with potential for a life lesson. I, oftentimes, keep moving along as to not get behind in my curriculum. Sure, I'll give a sentence or two in response, but continue with my agenda for fear of.. .Well, I'm not sure what the fear is. State Standards? The CST scores for my subgroup? My colleagues' opinions? Personal control issues? I feel my calling is to be an influential part of these students lives for the 2 years I have them. If I don't stop and address the things that will help them to grow and succeed beyond my classroom and academics,do I truly care about the job I've been blessed with? In 2010, I am going to keep my mind and heart open to the potential for life-enriching conversations to happen in my classroom. Maybe we won't get as in depth on a Direct Object lesson, but one student may hear a word he desperately needs about responding to authority figures, the purpose of going to college, how to resist inevitable peer-pressure, why school matters, etc...

My students absolutely deserve these resolutions from me. I'm going to ask them to make resolutions academically, behaviorally and socially tomorrow. I will make sure to tell them mine.